You’ll reach your college for 3rd sem arrear exam if you start for 11th half yearly.
You’ll reach for your child’s 3rd birthday if you’re going to meet your 1st ex-girlfriend.
You start for an interview and reach for your Junior’s promotion. Wait, that won’t happen! Avanukum vela kedachirukathu.
You start during Sherlock Season 5 and reach when Sherlock season 6 promo comes out.
You start for Saravanan Meenatchi… uh… you’ll still end up there.
In an event of rare occurrence a Swami and a Nun we’re engaged to each other. The best man of the wedding was their best friend, a Fakir.
But the Nun’s followers didn’t want him to get married, so they deviced a plan to stop the marriage. Some big shots manipulated the fakir to plant another woman’s inner wear in the Swami’s room so that his fiancé thinks he is cheating on her.
The Nun knew there was a conspiracy going on from her followers and was very alert. They gave him multiple items to plant on the bed that the Swami was sleeping in. But the fakir being Swamiji’s best friend had a last minute change of mind so he made a plan. The fakir didn’t notice the Nun who was hiding in the balcony and her brother, a Pastor, who was hiding inside. He tiptoed silently up to Swami’s bed and began placing the clothes and a paper hidden inside telling all the details. They both caught him red handed, but he confessed. At that time The Swami woke up and saw the clothes and misunderstood the situation. Angrily, he attacked his best friend. The fakir now irritated, stopped Swami and showed him the note which explained everything. Now the followers who were waiting outside from outside the room were ashamed and asked for their forgiveness. The Swami directed them to his Fiancé but she didn’t forgive them and told them the Lord will take care.
A writer was was seeing all this from the next building. He was sleepy but his deaf wife wanted to know what happened. So he shortened the whole climax and said in his own comical way,
“You fakir! She Swami!, I ran Pastor”
The wife asked about the woman, he replied
“Fucks given: Nun”
Kabali Khan: Allooooo
Kabali: Hello, Kabali here. *in the most rajinistic voice ever*
Kabali Khan: Kabali ah? Appa naanga mattum yaaru? Naangalum kabali than ya.
Kabali’s assistant: Baashha bhai ungala ippovey paakanumnu solraru.
Kk: Athu Yaarya baashha boy? Ippo than Kabali nu sonna?
Paakanumna ungoiyava vara sollu.
K: Kanna panninga than kootama varum singam single ah than varum. Naan than Kabali from Malaysia. Kumudhavalli pathi visarika phone pannen.
Kk: Ippo ethuku antha punchu? Singam single ah illa married ah nu un kitta sollucha? Nee en ithellam solra? Ippadi than oruthan avan aal Sangeetha saivamnu oor poora hotel la board vechan, avan enna aanan theriyuma?-
K: Thambi, konjam irunga mukkiya vishyam pesalamnu vanthen, naa yaarnu theriyama pesitu irukeenga.
Kk: Yov, nee antha sandai podra thambi Buruce Lee oda thambi Kaba Lee thaney? Kiyaaaa nunkathithey irunthaney pa ungannan, ippadi vesham vestaangungaley paavinpasanga.
K: Illa avaru vera—
Kk: Yov, avan podatti thaney Kumudhavalli? Aama seri nee en antha pullai ah thedra? Un pech eh seri illaye.
K: Naan Coatu podrathuthan unaku prechana poduven da Unaku naan pesarthu than prechana na pesuvenda, style ah, geth ah—
Kk: Yov yov kabali, iruya, Naangalum coat poduvom, Appo vey naanga Vandu murugan ah coat suit ellam potu nadanthavaga. Kadupethrar my lord.
*Phone call disconnects*
K: Indiala evalavo maariduchu, innum ithu maarala. Poo vizhuntha poo paathai, Thala vizhuntha singa paathai.
Kabali’s another assistant: nee Indiavukey poidu Shivaji, intha punch ellam keka mudiyala.
Kk: Vaada nee vaada en areaku vaada, Naan ingathan pondicherry la livingston. Apparam etho Kabali nu en peru sonna, Athu yaaru ippo Shivaji.?
K: Naan Kabali than, Naan oru thadava sonna 100 thadava sonna maari. Ippo summa athirum paarunga
Kk: 1000 vaati sonnalum naan kekamaaten, periya periya naai sekar, chinna bagavathi ellam naan paathurken.
K: neenga romba thappa pesringa Mr.Khan.
KK: shoiiyyoooo, nee thanya wrong call pannitu wrong ah pesrathu. *begins to chew beeda* *beep* *beeeeep* *beeeeeeeeep*
Disclaimer: This is just for fun. I book the first FDFS tickets for all Rajini Movies.
We south Indians are known for our great and unimaginable fight sequences. We freaking love Drama!
We’ve cooked up the perfect recipe for the best climax fight sequence.
- Lots of knifes and wooden logs, 1 gun, that isn’t used.
- 1 empty, windy open land with red soil or straw. It must be dusty and things must fly.
- 6 Small Sized thugs for warning the hero. Loud ones with dark, sweaty looks appreciated.
- 10 Medium sized thugs, interval scene fights.
- 4 Large thugs, climax fight.
- 1 comedy thug who knows pseudo karate (Size doesn’t matter)
- 1 major villain, choose your own villainy type. (Loud, Fat, Suave, ruthless,etc.)
- 2 sub villain – left and right hands.
- 1 hero & 1 superhot heroine
- 1 bike for Hero, no helmet (Shot miss aayidum)
- 21 Scorpio cars – Fast and dusty and 1 Omni car – For kednaping purposes
- 1 azhuku chloroform kerchief and Rope – as per requirement
We need to motivate our hero to level up from a common man to a super human-punching-kung-fu-panda man. Nothing beats emotional motivation, our motivation is kednaping the hero’s family.
We use an omni to take away the hero’s sister from a signal and his family when they’re shopping simultaneously. The hero will chase the omni cars to the villain’s place on a bike.
Now that they motivation has been initiated we can get into the method.
We use the “Fresh” Formula of Villain being defeated as method. The camera Jooms in and out of the villain standing in middle with of the dusty field. The thugs standing in descending height order from left to middle and ascending height order from middle to right.
Hero has to come flying, sitting over a jeep bonnet, in army dress. (We don’t copy, okay). Audience might wonder how he arrives in a Jeep while he was pursuing them in a bike. That is the twist.
*We won’t tell you. Poda*
With a superhero landing he will dole out very loud punches. The sub-villains signal like a traffic cop to the thugs to go in geometric progression (2 > 4 > 8, I know, maths la weak, pardon me). The hero gives up as they threaten his family. As he falls on the muddy land, Heroine’s voice is heard.
As the drenched heroine (Imagine slow-mo hair swishing) calls out to hero who wakes up with unnaturally red eyes. As the BGM plays in background he fights with a spear saves everyone. He will serve them justice.
Post-fight he will introduce the girl whose father he just beat up. When the family hugs, the villain will shout and point a gun at them. We see the trigger pull and hear a shot.
Police enter and shoot the villain. Movie should end with a duet.
This is the important part of the recipe. We must totally disregard physics laws, More the thugs bounce, better the scene would be. Also, when the wooden weapons will explode when they touch him.
Beating one thug with another, he punches all their faces at once, in one single punch.
As raindrops stylishly roll over his face without impairing his vision, one of the sub villains “poke” him with a knife which doesn’t kill him. Of course he beats them up.
Then come the 4 big thugs. All of them fall down with one punch. No, he literally shouldn’t touch other 3. He doesn’t kill the main villain, because he is the Villain-in-law.
Add comedy and glamour to taste.
Almost every Sunday night, I see a meme or a post about Monday coming up, I mean thank you for the giving me a heads-up on the obvious. Pfff, I didn’t know Monday’s followed Sunday! This fear or anxiety of facing a Monday is called widely called as Monday Blues. Monday blues are caused because of anticipating bad things that might happen in the coming week. For this, I would like to offer you a few odd reasons why you should not have Monday blues and must go to getup and get going.
First of all, it pays for your food. You get to eat that seemingly Good looking Italian food that tastes crappy. How are you going to post delicious looking Pictures of that single scoop ice-cream on Instagram with the hashtags, #Foodie, #IceCream, #FoodLove etc? How are you going to transcend from Ai, Phoneu! To iPhone? Because iPhones are the chill yo. If not for your phones how are you going to take selfies in bathrooms with your brush and paste in the frame? What about photos with new dresses that you sneak during purchases but forget the hashtag #TrailRoom? Jobs are important.
If you don’t get up on a Monday, how are you going to get to escape the nose numbing smell from your rented room bathroom which your roommate forgot to wash this weekend(it was his turn), If you have a job you get to pee in well maintained bathrooms! They even have scented Tissues, Yaaii! Do you think you can say, ”Ola cab da”, or “Uberpool machi” after you miss the bus deliberately, if not for the monthly pay?. You won’t be able to post an expert-critic-movie-buff review on the weekly cinema releases, don’t forget the popcorn in which we alpama add the cheese powder!
Can you buy that bike which makes more noise pollution than air pollution? Take photos with tag #RE #DreamBike and all? I don’t think so, because Achcham Enbathu Madamiyada, Dei poda. You can pay for your high-speed broadband over which you watch cute dog and cat videos and other videos that your parents specifically asked you not to watch. If not for salary, how would you afford that data pack through which you browse the newsfeed of your crush and install WhatsApp to get blocked by them?
How else can you feed your high-end indulgences like photography, Gaming, outings, drinking, weed etc? Bro, you need to get up on a Monday morning to go to a Friday evening paarrtaayyy! , think. You can’t flaunt those Jithu Jilladi Kannadi, umbrella dress, oorla-naalu-maadu-Sethu-Pochu colour pants that don’t sit in your hips, pre shedded jeans and the random quote tees that accentuate your beer belly. Or the gym payments you can make to reduce that belly fat. Get up because your dad will start calling you useless-rice, wasteland, thick-cow, ox-cow and you have to rummage all the dappas in kitchen. Job, because the pakkathu veetu aunties and uncles will ask come for panjayathu. Do go to work or get used to watching daily serials with paati and amma, after a point you will be saying “Ithu anniyar oda vela than”. If not for this work, remember, marriage no, matter no, children no. Yosinga…
Well, if you can’t get up after this. Then get up because your appa amma will pour water on you or might switch off your fan. At least go sleep in another place.
If you think you can’t get up on a Monday morning for all these, then get up for YOURSELF.
Get up because your Passion is waiting.
Also, get up because, YOLO.