I’m fat and its funny

Every now and then I’m reminded that I’m fat. At first it is a very hurtful thing you hear about yourself, but later it becomes funny if you look at it from a fresh perspective, i.e. basically after you’ve lost all your self-esteem (soodu, soranai, vekkam, maanam etc.). This is common to both the genders, we are equally rolled around (no pun intended) as a toy in the society. But mind you, we are neither too fat that we get serious health problems nor the proper size who seem to have a fun life(damn you proper sizes!). I tell you, we’re not obese or unhealthily fat. Our BMI only a tad bit away from the line, which could always be fixed by some exercise(pfff). We’re not that chuchubuchiki fat where people pinch your bubbly cheeks and it wobbles cutely, No. We’re a cross between the thins and the thicks. We’re the sum product of a being a Beta Taster aka Foodies and a lazyass. We’re the people whom the thin community finds fat and the fatter community finds thin.

We’re the Middle class of Fat. *epic bgm plays with the sun setting behind the fat squad*

Let me tell you why we can’t be classified as normal sizes. First thing, we’re fit okay, not like the athlete fit, but we can get onto a running bus on our own. But in a running race where you have the chance to win 50,000 we’d definitely win it, provided that the prize is for the one who comes 5th. That’s how we Roll Yo. This is one of the reasons why we’re never chosen as a runner in a sport like cricket. But I tell you this, we might not be upper class batsmen, but we’re the Middleclass Fatsmen. We’re cursed like this okay, ‘we can run when a dog chases us because we’re not round enough to give up and athletic enough to not lose a pound of fat from our Ramba thighs.’

We face a lot of problems, and some of these are tailored for us. Unlike the problems our dresses aren’t tailored for us. We have this nether region in our body called the Thoppai or the flop belly (I’m refraining myself from using the term Beer belly since it might not apply for all.) This thoppai is a wonderful thing designed to embarrass us in Garment shops and textile showrooms. There was this one incident where there was this wonderful shirt and I wanted to buy it, but sadly it was ‘slim fit’ and obviously, it did not fit me. You leatherduckers, what about us people-u?! What about the people who have extra muscles in their equator? We and all summa va?! Returning to the point, I was trying on this shirt which narrowed down in my Madhya Pradesh where I was almost 3 months (oh shuddup you idiots). I tried my best to fit into this shirt where the shoulders, arm-length and cuffs were pakka perfect. After putting on the shirt somehow I heard a ‘klannggg’ sound. The button had launched itself from my middle earth and hit the metal door so hard that it made that ‘Klang’ sound. Then what? I nice ah came out of the building. I will miss you, shirt. Don’t even get me started about tucking in shirts.

There are those times with the other gender where you have to hold your stomach inside so that they don’t see your pot belly. You have to be so conscious that you don’t look like Ganesha’s Dupe, because you do not want to end up single like him. Though we often get called names by our friends there would be these relatives and random people who automatically assume that you are the elder one in the Family, sometimes you get Chithapa and Peripa roles too, Rejoice! Your shape is so funny that it resembles a vertical Poori Kattai (dough rolling pin). Little feet, small head and a potato in between. When eating out with friends you have to simultaneously eat and also dodge the comments and bad jokes (seriously mokka people) which say that you might become fatter in future, and you have to position the camera like Periya P.C.Sreeram to get a good picture. Shabba. At the end of the day you’re left feeling funny and healthy.

On a serious note, overweight is a looming problem that is affecting so many people. please try to help your overweight friends as much as you can, emotionally and physically. Try not to tease them as much. I know many who try their best to reduce their weight earnestly and get healthy. My hearty appreciations to those people and may you be in your best health.

Disclaimer: I’m sorry If I’ve hurt someone. Just a blob being a blogger. Thanks.


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